Why the Kookaburra Doesn't Laugh Anymore.

The Kookaburra sits on the old gum tree and a very merry king of the bush is he but why can he no longer find reason to laugh? Has his song gone awry? His little equilibrium had been disrupted. He had found something that changed it all for the better. Laugh Kookaburra, laugh but why can he not find the slightest chuckle easy anymore?

Equilibrium was what he rejoiced in escaping from. His vicious little cycle had been broken and maybe instead of sitting around the bush all day, he found a friend to visit the billabong with. Someone he could swoop the swoop and loop the loops in time to. Laughter alone always ends up in horrible blight to the self.

The mate he had found himself to laugh with seemed to have been there by accident and maybe through a chuckle-gone-wrong, he had scared his newfound friend off. Maybe the loops were too loose, maybe his perch was awkward but he was still King of his Bush.

Equilibrium again. His old gum tree. Himself. Let us now laugh at him.

D.A.R.D.

What we can always rely on with confidence is who we are - our own personal Northern Stars to guide us through the sins we commit. The blank slates of our life continuously imprinted upon by grace, marred by betrayal, caressed by romance and love, defaced beyond recognition by loss and missed opportunities yet embroidered with memories of beauty and the mystical. The sins of our fathers, they haunt us like they were our own. Countless folds upon folds of unvoiced agony alongside the multitude of tears shed for joy, sorrow, grief and anger emanate within us. Silently dictating which path we take along the labyrinthine journey of life. Every step one takes along their path inevitably becomes an indispensable part of them, becoming one with the traveller's personal vat. Personal. Who we are. Who are we?

Some believe that we are the product of what we are put through, twisted metal scraps regurgitated from the grinder. Others believe that we are what we were taught to be, perverse images of flamboyant ideals.

Although I cannot invalidate the two, I must add that there is more to the equation. We are also the fruit born of what we want to become. Our capability to learn through interaction and through observation allows us to take a look at the bigger picture and decide what we would like to become. What I speak of has been labelled as intra-personal intelligence. Such introspection exists but is not practiced by all. Looking into one's self is not always simple and may be harrowing for some.

It is the examination of what we have become as a result of the collective trauma and glee which we have seen and been put through. We do actively choose what we become but it may not always be a choice we readily or even consciously make but there is always a choice. Heavily dependent on what one believes in for him or herself: True Justice, True Love, True Peace, True Joy, the list continues. The quest we embark upon is for the personal development of ourselves as engines of our beliefs.

Alas, through the twine of some lives, there is not time enough for such petty self-indulgence. Life carries on and little or no concern goes along with the decisions which are made with repercussion to the neighbour. The road is rocky, worn are the wheels but the truck which is them will still trample upon the livestock it ploughs through. The collateral is of no consequence to the actor. The injured lie broken and spiteful and decide to bring their truck to the fields...

Thankfully, I have no car yet.

The incoherence. I love it! I love it!!

The other side of the coin?

It seems to have been an aeon since I last posted something of substance at all. Much has come and gone since. More has gone however. Sadly.

The period of silence was not because I was too busy to blog. It was because I felt no whim to blog. I decided that I would ignore things such as this for a while. But tonight it's different. I'm in a "I-want-to-pour-my-heart-out" sort of mood. I feel like doing a little ranting so I can say things that I really feel like saying and putting some thought into text.

"Always give and not take". What have I learnt from that? Well, what goes around doesn't always come around like you'd want it to. Sometimes, the ettiquitte of a smile and some warmth isn't returned. You try to think of something to talk about and you hope you can soup up something which could break at least the 5-minute barrier so that you can gladly tell yourself "at least we can still talk" and at the back of your mind as you also seem to remember that it would be normal for the other person in question to reciprocate and also think of and try to talk about something which would be more than 2 lines to avoid observing a monologue. This is all of course if the other party in question is interested at all in such communication (note that 5 minutes was merely an example. I'm sure you got it).

I wonder why I bothered with those long pauses. Why I bothered to think of things to say when it was obvious that what I had to say didn't matter but would only matter if I said something wrong.

I've always thought of myself as a person who gave and I've always tried to live up to that. The extent to which I carry out my claim is unknown to me but I try. Maybe I should become more of a taker. Being a little more selfish may prove to be more practical. I should wait to be served, listen in on what could potentially be wrong and what I could potentially use as the currency of a synonym of blackmail. Of course I should watch my every step and ensure that I myself do nothing wrong leaving the other party at a loss of reason. Building such guilt and thronging the balance of power in my favour. Life would be easier. I would be happier and be able to sleep at night knowing that I have nothing to worry about other than what I can dig up from that other's cesspool.

To compliment that, I should also aspire to be completely unforgiving. Strike forth with wrath so furious that repentance would be known as stabbing a pair of scissors in your thigh - and that would only stop me from arguing and putting it in your face. I'll still make sure to hold it against you.

I should be less trusting as well, never ever letting anyone near anything of my possession and at the next moment's opportunity I shall plunder and ransack every possible nook or cranny to discover more filth within you so I can dig it out and smother it all over your face again.

I should be merciless and ruthless. Hot-cold will not work with me, I will let you "brew in your own stew". No, it's none of my business, you're having a hard time? I'll leave you to it. Support? Support is for losers. Wait, if that were true, then you would need it wouldn't you? I think I'll call you something else. I know! "Boyfriend". Or was it Ex?

Oh deary me, I'm so sad, I'm so angry at myself for letting this happen! What shall I do now? I miss half of what was me. Or so I thought. I should end it all. I don't want to carry on this way, I should end me. But I'm not suicidal yet... Tears? What tears?

I am not the happiest man on Earth right now and I am ranting because I can. If you have a problem with this, call me and we can sit down for tea and scones. My treat. Pfffffffft.

Tagged...

Tagged: Things you want in your partner
I don't really do this nonsense but here goes. (thank You ==)

RULES:

1. The victim has to come up with 8 different points about his/her perfect partner.

2. Has to mention the gender of his or her partner.

3. Tag 8 other victims to join this game and leave a comment on their blog.

4. If you are tagged the 2nd time, there is NO need to do it again.

5. Lastly, have fun doing it!

Lets begin:

1. She has to be understanding. Almost impossibly understanding. She mustn't forget that I'm only human too.

2. Patience is something which is of the utmost importance because I can really get on people's nerves. For someone to get along with me well, she has to be able to take the nonsense I can sometimes throw at her without my noticing it.

3. A sense of humour is something which my partner absolutely MUST have. I could never live with a character who didn't know how to have a good laugh. I could never bear a person who took everything too seriously.

4. She has to be true to me. She cheats, it's over. No question. I don't care how hard it is for me or her. If it comes to her having to cheat, I must not be good enough for her.

5. She has to be as crazy about me as I am for her.

6. Mustn't be domineering. Once she thinks that just because I'd do almost anything for her that she can lord it over me she's got it all wrong. I can only take so much.

7. She has to trust me and believe that I would do anything for her as long as she stays within the bounds of logic and reason. She should always believe that I would never purposely do anything to hurt her (unless I hurt her even without my knowledge or unless I'm left with no choice).

8. 8 is hardly enough. Nor can I say enough to fill 8. What I want in a woman. My perfect woman will never exist because people are far from perfect. That doesn't mean that I won't love the one I am with/will be with as much as I can.

8 others:

I tag...

Jimmy (fuzzy)

Alexa

Kok Wui

Sharon (Tan)

Mag

Ping May

Ehaab

Prith