Relapse.

Alright so maybe I'm a fucking idiot to let it get to me but it's happenned and all I can do is curse myself for it. Stupid people, why the hell do they have such messed up tempers?! So he busted the car, so your business hasn't been going well for the past few years, so you're broke, so you owe people and money and so you can't really get out of all this yet. That doesn't mean that you have to shove it into anyone else's face. You know that I have a brother that has a temper like or maybe even worse than yours, you know he has the mentality of a human's rights advocate which was cross-bred with a narcissistic bull, you know that when you stick it to him, he's gonna pop it right out and add a bite or two to it but you still do it! You still have to open your big, fat, overeating, over-smoked, non-thinking, un-pre-meditated mouth and not have the intelligence to say things in a tone to avoid conflict which has happenned before and only ended with violence and you guys not talking for a couple of months. Yes that was worth it wasn't it? It was worth every fucking second that you two were at each others' necks screaming and shouting at each other like you guys were in a friggin stadium on opposite sides trying to have a conversation. No worries, you guys only woke up the whole fucking neighbourhood. Yeah show each other the brotherly love. Build on that, maybe you guys could add on a few punches for finnesse.
He didn't help either did he? He just couldn't fucking shut the hell up and take it, he had to make that conspicuous sigh so that he made sure you knew that he wasn't happy about it. He had to snap back at you when you so intelligently ripped that insurance-claim form into two, you budding genius you. He just had to raise his melodious voice in symphony to yours and have a little ensemble right behind me as I was already torturing myself with research. He just had to continuously serenade the whole family of recollections of previous episodes of your little dance with him back in the day when you planted your fist into his conflict-revelling cheek which apparently he can never forget as no one in this family had ever done that to him before. Is just me or are you two the only ones in our family who've ever had a boxing-match before? What the heck does "C'mon and hit me!!" mean when you say it to a cousin(no, brother) in a tone like that? What drives him to jump into the fray with you so eagerly?! It's not like he's much of a fighter. 1-2 punches and he starts to cry! Heck, that's a beautiful sight I tell you. It's really interesting how he plays the little script of his isn't it? He stands behind granny complaining that you've punched him, you've kicked him and what-not yet he continues to ask for it, he continues to provoke you. Why do I not get it? Am I not from the same god-forsaken womb?

Heck I say to hell with the both of you, I don't get why aunt and granny had to stop you two anyway. I'd say let the fight begin and I'd play umpire to make sure no one dies. Just make sure you guys pick up the teeth and clear up the blood on the floor afterwards. Get it over and done with. No point holding on in silence hostility till the next picturesque scene presents itself. Besides, I'd rather my brother be beaten to a pulp by his cousin than by some hulk of a gangster with a knife or pipe right?

The other cousin didn't help much either did he? All he could do was sprinkle kerosine on the already diabolical flames of the bicker. I just didn't want to fucking put my foot into anything you guys were arguing about but you guys just had to fucking raise your voices right? You guys want fight, take it out of my room. No point stopping you either, that doesn't really work dunnit?

Now, back to myself. I'm a fucking idiot indeed to have lit a stick because of a stupid thing like this. Am I already not unrested enough? Am I not already having problems keeping up with fucking college? Am I not emotionally down enough?! Am I not lonely enough?! Do I need to hear your comic little squabbles while I labour away at the keyboard and mouse?! I pretty much stay out of your business and you should stay out of my way. That was just a lame cigarette out of the fucking blue, there won't anymore. I swear upon both of your sorry asses. I'm going to punish myself for that. I'm going to join 2 of Bunny's dance classes. That's a promise. Jimmy, you're going to fucking hold me to my word and join me there and laugh at me. You hear?!

You get to wondering, why not just shut up and nod? Why do you have to voice your two-bit, unwanted, unintelligent, disresepected and absolutely uneccessary opinions to yourselves? Why not just get a blog like I did so you can bitch all night and not get enough sleep to get up and give your fucking speech tomorrow? Dumb-asses. No wonder I'm supposed to be the smart one. Remember, you're all genetic garbage unless proven otherwise. As far as I know, there hasn't really been an otherwise yet. Fuck you both. Fuck me too.