A Year. Minus Ten.

Another year.

Never thought that I'd be able to get through it so... smoothly.

Employment, is surprisingly even more therapeutic than escapism. It appears I have truly been happy for the past year. Amidst the frustration, anger, stress, pressure and being around stupid people (I believe I have developed an allergy), I have been happy. Or so I think.

Suffice to say, 2010 was amicable at best.

Happy New Year.

It's Business Time?

All good things come to an end. I see mine coming over the horizon. Someone has definitely pulled the zip on the cover of my little, hidden-away den. My life as it has been for the past year and more needs to end. The problem is this, I am yet unsure if I am still capable of being who I am supposed to be. My carefree bubble has been popped and right now, I have yet to scramble and do what I am expected to... or is it that I don't know how to?

I now sit here sleepless looking at my bleak future and wondering where I will be in about two to three months from now. Emotionally numb, it seems rationality has chosen this very period of time to elude me as well. It seemed fitting that all the shit in the proverbial bucket would have to pour all over my face at one go. To top things off, I also feel completely stupid and unintelligent. Bright prospects indeed.

I am as optimistic as ever. God save the Queen.

In Death We Trust.

The past few days have been filled, with both activity and food. As busy as an international jet-setter yet the mind never fails to drift and wander in the moaning moors of contemplation, of disdain and sickening speculation. No doubt I have been happy but that malingerer of a thought has been loitering in the back of my mind throughout. I know not what to think and when I think of what is to happen I can only feel sorry. I can only stand behind the one-way mirror and watch, a spectator and almost an accessory to this heinous crime.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I smell blood in the air. I hope that it only comes from my own wounds...

Beautiful Letdown

'tis the season of the festive yet again. Every year brings difference which is both merry, refreshing and new but that solemn feeling of these 3 months is still with me. I may not have gone travelling far and away this time around but even the short trip to Bentong and the time I get to spend alone brings the same sour taste in my mouth and the long drawn breaths with their flavour of inadequacy.

Is it true that there is a difference in silence? I could swear the silence in the air of Bentong and in the countryside of fair Taiwan are vastly different from the silence I share with my room in which I sit at this very moment.

The year draws to a close yet I feel I have accomplished nothing. I have been told I am prettier, I have been complimented upon by some yet I feel I have let down so many more. I look to the turn of the decade to tell me where I stand in the world. I know that it is my choice and effort which places me where I want to be in the big bad world but what if I just want to know where I am now? Oh wait, I know where I am. The bottom. I guess I can almost see it (*wink*).

Why the Kookaburra Doesn't Laugh Anymore.

The Kookaburra sits on the old gum tree and a very merry king of the bush is he but why can he no longer find reason to laugh? Has his song gone awry? His little equilibrium had been disrupted. He had found something that changed it all for the better. Laugh Kookaburra, laugh but why can he not find the slightest chuckle easy anymore?

Equilibrium was what he rejoiced in escaping from. His vicious little cycle had been broken and maybe instead of sitting around the bush all day, he found a friend to visit the billabong with. Someone he could swoop the swoop and loop the loops in time to. Laughter alone always ends up in horrible blight to the self.

The mate he had found himself to laugh with seemed to have been there by accident and maybe through a chuckle-gone-wrong, he had scared his newfound friend off. Maybe the loops were too loose, maybe his perch was awkward but he was still King of his Bush.

Equilibrium again. His old gum tree. Himself. Let us now laugh at him.

Blah.

The past three days I have been without Internet in my humble abode. Every night I wanted to blog. Every night I had an entry in my head that I was determined I would get down here. Now that I have my Internet again, all the artistic and cryptic content which had so easily found its way onto my mind's slate is lost to me.

I am certain that I will come up with something suiting to weave into an intricate little boy scout badge to stitch upon my sash here but for now, I believe that one phrase will suffice.

Fuck me.

I will further elabourate at a later date.

Propagation of the Truth.

Midnight. All is quiet. The silence is both soothing to the soul as it reeks with its indiscreet slither of insanity. All is still. All but that silent thump. *thump* *thump* *thump*, it goes slowly and - as if growing impatient - it slowly becomes louder and louder until *CRASH*.

What began as an innocent little pat would slowly become an incessant flurry of mad flailing and pounding upon the walls. The masons, the guards and gatekeepers are diligent. They stand fast and hold the fort. The walls will hold. There shall be no defeat this day. This day. What about the next? What about the month ahead? What about the future? Will fatigue not find its way into the souls of these obstacles? These shields of meat? Will not we succumb?

The city will soon tire of the ringing in its ears. Blow upon blow, it grew from a silent rhythmic harmony to a skippy beat and when the cacophony reaches its crescendo, will the city still be there? Will the walls hold? Not on this day. We are tired, we are hurt, but we have yet to be broken.

Hold fast and still my dears. Perhaps they can't see us shaking from the outside... We will win and they will never know of this...