Beautiful Letdown

'tis the season of the festive yet again. Every year brings difference which is both merry, refreshing and new but that solemn feeling of these 3 months is still with me. I may not have gone travelling far and away this time around but even the short trip to Bentong and the time I get to spend alone brings the same sour taste in my mouth and the long drawn breaths with their flavour of inadequacy.

Is it true that there is a difference in silence? I could swear the silence in the air of Bentong and in the countryside of fair Taiwan are vastly different from the silence I share with my room in which I sit at this very moment.

The year draws to a close yet I feel I have accomplished nothing. I have been told I am prettier, I have been complimented upon by some yet I feel I have let down so many more. I look to the turn of the decade to tell me where I stand in the world. I know that it is my choice and effort which places me where I want to be in the big bad world but what if I just want to know where I am now? Oh wait, I know where I am. The bottom. I guess I can almost see it (*wink*).